Of the second kind of evil, which is the peril of falling
into self-esteem and vain presumption.
THE supernatural apprehensions of the memory already
described are also a frequent occasion to spiritual persons of
falling into some kind of presumption or vanity, if they give heed
to them and set store by them. For, even as he who knows nothing
of them is quite free from falling into this vice, since he sees
in himself no occasion of presumption, even so, in contrary wise,
he that has experience of them has close at hand an occasion for
thinking himself to be something, since he possesses these
supernatural communications. For, although it is true that he may
attribute them to God, hold himself to be unworthy of them, and
give God the thanks, yet nevertheless there is wont to remain in
his spirit a certain secret satisfaction, and a self-esteem and a
sense of their value, from which, without his knowledge, there
will come to him great spiritual pride.
2. This may be observed very clearly by such as will consider
the dislike and aversion caused them by any who do not praise
their spirituality, or esteem the experiences which they enjoy,
and the mortification which they suffer when they think or are
told that others have just those same experiences, or even
superior ones. All this arises from secret self-esteem and pride,
and they can never quite realize that they are steeped in pride up
to their very eyes. For they think that a certain degree of
recognition of their own wretchedness suffices, and, although they
have this, they are full of secret self-esteem and self-
satisfaction, taking more delight in their own spirituality and
spiritual gifts than in those of others. They are like the
Pharisee who gave thanks to God that he was not as other men, and
that he practised such and such virtues, whereat he was satisfied
with himself and presumed thereon.[507] Such men, although they may
not use the Pharisee's actual words, habitually resemble him in
spirit. And some of them even become so proud that they are worse
than the devil. For, observing in themselves, as they imagine,
certain apprehensions and feelings concerning God which are devout
and sweet, they become self-satisfied to such an extent that they
believe themselves to be very near God; and those that are not
like themselves they consider very low and despise them after the
manner of the Pharisee.
3. In order to flee from this pestilent evil, abhorrent in
the eyes of God, they must consider two things. First, that virtue
consists not in apprehensions and feelings concerning God,
howsoever sublime they be, nor in anything of this kind that a man
can feel within himself; but, on the contrary, in that which has
nothing to do with feeling -- namely, a great humility and
contempt of oneself and of all that pertains to oneself, firmly
rooted in the soul and keenly felt by it; and likewise in being
glad that others feel in this very way concerning oneself and in
not wishing to be of any account in the esteem[508] of others.
4. Secondly, it must be noted that all visions, revelations
and feelings coming from Heaven, and any thoughts that may proceed
from these, are of less worth than the least act of humility. And
humility is one of the effects of charity, which esteems not its
own things nor strives to attain them; nor thinks evil, save of
itself; nor thinks any good thing of itself, but only of others.
It is well, therefore, that these supernatural apprehensions
should not attract men's eyes, but that they should strive to
forget them in order that they may be free.