CHAPTER XII

1900–1903

Gemma’s New Spiritual Director

GOD WISHING to console His Servant and help her in her many needs, particularly in those that followed the appearance of the Stigmata, brought her into contact with the sons of His Passion—Fr. Cajetan, Fr. Peter Paul, and several others. On her first coming to know them, God manifested to her by distinct locution that one of the Passionsts should be her future director.

But although the foregoing Fathers helped her greatly in her spiritual necessities, none of them was to be the director whom God assigned her. Hence each one, having accomplished his mission, withdrew rejoicing at having beheld the wonders of God in that favored girl.

Gemma had never seen her future director nor heard of him; yet she knew him, his age, disposition and appearance. He was living in Rome, and as soon as it was made known to her that he was the one destined to be her father.

Taking courage from the boundless confidence that she already felt in him, she wrote him the following letter on the 24th January, 1900:

“Very Rev. Father—For a considerable time I have felt a great desire to see you and to write to you. I asked leave to do so from my Confessor: but he always said no. Last Saturday I renewed my request and he said yes, thus giving me great consolation. But now as I begin to write a great fear has come over me; this is because I have to write such strange things that even you will wonder at them. I tell you frankly that my hand is an bit Strange, and I sometimes imagine that I see, sometimes that I hear, impossible things. I say impossible, because Jesus has never spoken, never appeared to those among His servants whose souls are as sinful as mine.”

Then, having related how Our Lord in vision showed her new Director, she goes on to give him at minute account of what had happened to her during the previous two years of her serious illness and miraculous recovery, of Blessed Gabriel, of her vocation to the Religious State and of her first acquaintance with the Passionists.

She speaks to him of the foundation of the Convent of Passionist Nuns that would be made later on in Lucca, and describes minute details with as much exactness as I if they were present. I will point out later how exactly her predictions were verified.

This first letter to her Director was about ten pages long and ended in the usual way: “I beg of you to bless and help, and pray for poor Gemma.” A little later she wrote another letter of six pages: “Yesterday evening, when praying before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, I was called—I think it was Jesus. (My father, before you go on reading I beg you in charity not to believe what I say; I act only through obedience or else I would not write another word.) He said to me: My child you may write to thy father that the Confessor would willingly correspond with him. Do this; it is My will.

“I see, my Jesus, You will that the father know everything about me—I was continuing to speak, but it seemed to me that Jesus (or perhaps my imagination) would not let me finish, and He said to me: This is My will, that the Confessor should henceforth make known everything to thy father.”

And it was precisely so. Monsignor Volpi—Auxiliary Bishop of Lucca and Gemma’s ordinary confessor—feeling so inspired, wished to share his responsibility, but with whom he knew not. The direction of his beloved spiritual child weighed on him greatly although he better than say other could appreciate Gemma’s soul. In his humility, and because of his many occupations, he thought the whole burden of this important spiritual direction too much for him. He accordingly sent her now to one and again to another Confessor, and asked the advice of a great many persons.

The more frequent repetition of the phenomena of the Stigmata, of the Sweat of blood and of the ecstasies increased his fears, and notwithstanding Fr. Cajetan’s and Fr. Peter Paul’s assurances, his doubts and fears continued to return. On coming to Rome he sought an interview with me, but we were not able to meet. We then tried to come to an understanding by letter and in August, 1900, through our Provincial, he invited me to Lucca in order to examine his penitent in person.

I, who on principle have always been slow to believe in such extraordinary things, replied advising him not to attribute too much importance to what was happening, but rather to put his penitent on the ordinary path pursued by the majority of the faithful. He wrote again giving me some particulars of those extraordinary things, and I, still persisting in my way of thinking, was so far wanting as to suggest to his Lordship to have recourse to exorcism.

His perplexities increased and still wishing that I should judge of things in person he prevailed on the Provincial to oblige me to go to Lucca. I went there on the 1st of September, 1900, and stayed with the Giannini family with whom Gemma was living. On seeing me the dear child recognized me at once, and coming forward to welcome me showed great gladness, blessing Our Lord in her soul. I confess that on meeting her, my first sentiments were those of devotion and veneration. We went together and knelt before the Crucifix in the family Oratory; Gemma wept and I likewise.

My feelings on that occasion, still vivid in my memory, baffle explanation. Our Lord was then assuredly preparing me to see great things by which every shadow of doubt remaining in my mind should be dispelled. It happened to be Thursday, and about the middle of supper Gemma, feeling signs of the coming; ecstasy, rose from the table and left the room. After a little time her adopted mother came to call me. I followed her and found the child in ecstasy. The subject of the ecstasy was the conversion of a sinner and the form was a wrestling between the blessed maiden and the Divine justice to obtain this conversion.

I confess that I never beheld anything more affecting. The dear child was sitting on her bed with her eyes, face and all her person turned towards a part of the room where Our Lord appeared to her. She was not agitated, but earnest and resolute, like one in a struggle who is determined to win at any cost. She began by saying, “As You hast come, Jesus, I renew my supplications for my sinner. He is Thy child and my brother; save him, Jesus;” and she named him.

He was a stranger whom she had met in Lucca, and moved by spiritual impulse she had already warned him very often by word of mouth and by letter to listen to the dictates of his conscience and not be contented with the mere public reputation of being a good Christian. Jesus seeming disposed to deal as a just judge with this man, remained unmoved by the entreaties of His servant. But now deterred she rejoined:

“Why today, O Jesus, do You not heed me? For one soul only You hast done so much! Why then wilt You not save this other one? Save him, Jesus, save him. . . . Be good, Jesus. . . . Do not say that to me. In Thy mouth, Who art Mercy itself, that word ‘abandon’ sounds badly; You must not say it. You has not measured the Blood You has shed for sinners, and now do You wish to measure the enormity of our sins? . . . Do You not heed me? And I, to whom must I turn?

“You hast shed Thy Blood for him as well as me. Will You save me and not him? I will not rise from here; save him; promise me that You wilt save him. I offer myself victim for all, but particularly for him. I promise not to refuse Thee anything. Do You grant it me?—it is a soul. Remember, O Jesus, it is a soul that has cost Thee so much. He will become good, and not relapse.”

In answer to all her entreaties Our Lord put forward the Divine Justice. But she growing still more fervent replied: “I am not seeking Thy Justice; I am imploring Thy Mercy. Then Jesus, go in search of that poor sinner; press him to Thy Heart and You will see that he will be converted; at least try it. . . . Listen, Jesus, You say that You have made many forcible attempts to convince him; but You have not called him son; try that now, and tell him that You art his Father, and that he is Thy child. You will find that on hearing this sweet name of Father, his hardened heart will soften.”

And here Our Lord to prove to His servant what reason He had for remaining firm, began to show her one by one, with the most minute circumstances of time and place, the evil deeds of that sinner, adding that he had filled up their measure. The poor child showed her dismay; she let her hands fall, and heaved a deep sigh, as if she had almost lost the hope of succeeding. But quickly recovering from the shock she returned to the dispute:

“I know, Jesus,” she said, “I know it; that he has offended Thee thus grievously; but I have done worse and, for all that, You hast shown me Mercy. I know, I know, O Jesus, that he has made Thee weep. But now Jesus—You must not think of his sins; You must think of the Blood You hast shed, what immense Charity, O Jesus, hast You not lavished on me! Use with my sinner, I implore of Thee, all those delicacies of Infinite Love that You hast used towards me. Remember Jesus, that I want his salvation. Triumph, triumph, I ask him of Thee in Charity.”

In spite of all these efforts, Our Lord remained inflexible, and Gemma again relapsed into anguish and discouragement, remaining silent, as if she had abandoned the strife. Then, of a sudden, another motive flashed to her mind that seemed invincible against all resistance. She became all animated, and spoke thus:

“Well, I am a sinner; You Thyself has told me so; that worse than me You couldst not find. Yes, I confess it, I am unworthy that You should listen to me; but look, I present Thee another advocate for my sinner; it is Thine own Mother who asks Thee to forgive him. Oh, imagine saying no to Thy Mother! Surely You canst not say no to her. And now answer me, Jesus, say that You hast saved my sinner.” The victory was gained, the whole scene changed aspect, the tenderhearted Savior had granted the grace, and Gemma with a look of indescribable joy exclaimed: “He is saved, he is saved! You hast conquered Jesus, triumph always thus.” And then she came out of the ecstasy. This most affecting scene lasted quite half an hour.

The words in which I have described it were in part taken down in writing, and in part preserved in my memory from which I have faithfully drawn them. When it was over, having withdrawn to my room, with my mind engrossed by a thousand thoughts, I suddenly heard a tap at my door—“A strange gentleman, father, has called and wishes to see you.” I bade him come in. He threw himself at my feet sobbing and said: “Father, hear my confession.”

Good God! I thought my heart would burst. It was Gemma’s sinner, converted that same hour. He accused himself of all that I had heard repeated by her in the ecstasy. He had forgotten one thing only, and I was able to remind him of it. I consoled him, told him what had just happened, got his leave to narrate these wonders of the Lord, and after a mutual embrace we parted. Some years have passed since that event, and I still seem to find myself present at it.

In my copious notes, I have particulars of other conversions similar in many ways to that just described and equally well authenticated. For the sake of brevity and to avoid uncalled-for repetition I have not given them here. The fact narrated speaks for itself. There is no place for imagination or hysteria here. The devil is able to drag sinners to perdition, but not to convert them; much less in such a way as we have seen.

Notwithstanding my admiration at what I had witnessed I did not stop there. I began my studies with great earnestness in order to make certain of Gemma’s spirit. These studies lasted nearly three years without interruption. Guided by Ascetic and Mystic Theology and by modern physiological science, I put her through lengthened trials so as to be able to say at last that I had not neglected any such steps, and it is worth observing that not one of them failed. The pious Bishop her Confessor in his turn was satisfied; he approved of all that I had done, and expressed his desire that I should take up the direction of Gemma.

She, who more than anyone else feared being the victim of delusion, seemed to rise from death to life on learning my final assurance that what was happening to her was from God, and that she could freely allow herself to be guided by the Holy Ghost in that way. To humble her I treated her rudely rather than otherwise, and mortified her continually, yet she remaining undisturbed addressed me with child-like expansiveness as Babbo. Sometimes with the same amiable ingenuousness modifying this name she would add the word wicked: “Oh what a wicked Babbo Jesus has given me!”

Her gratitude to God from whom she acknowledged having received such help, and to His poor Minister whose services and labors in her behalf she exaggerated, was without measure. “What patience,” she would say, “you need with me! O Father, infinite thanks for all the care you take, and, I think, wish to take of my poor soul. If I succeed in saving this soul you shall see what I will do for you. When I shall have reached Paradise I will drag you with me at any cost. If you only knew what good your letters and your little sermons do me! I hope that by this time you know me well. Pray to Jesus for light to guide me and then convert me. Will you succeed, Father, in converting me? It is so hard to move me; and when your last letter brought this fact before me I cried, as always when I think of it. May Jesus lead us to life!”

From those words one can gather that Gemma’s direction was effected principally by letter. Still, as it was God’s Will that she should have better help, He so disposed things that very often, even without thinking of it, I had when traveling to pass through Lucca. While staying there, at Signor Giannini’s, I had every facility of helping the little saint, and of continuing my studies and trials of her virtues. Grateful indeed was the task of guiding this favored soul, so detached was she in mind and heart from everything earthly, and specially from herself. She was humble, docile, lovable, ready for every sacrifice, full of faith and love of God, and at the same time so natural that you would scarcely have distinguished her from any ordinary young girl.

I must not stop here to describe all the rare qualities of my spiritual child. I will say only that to treat with her, to labor in helping her to advance in perfection and correspond to the impulses of Divine grace, caused no weariness but rather intense satisfaction.

One could speak to her for many hours on heavenly things without feeling the time pass. She spoke little even to her director, and seemed to find a difficulty in answering the questions put to her; still what she said was so much to the point, so wise and so full of unction that it was enchanting to listen to her.

She was much more free when writing. It seemed as though being alone removed the difficulty she always felt when speaking of herself. She consequently wrote long letters without any art, just as her heart or rather the Spirit of God dictated: and the arrangement of the subject matter left nothing to be desired.

At first her letters regarding herself were addressed to her Confessor; then to her Director, and much more frequently and without restraint to her new Director. I kept her letters and frequently thought over them; I compared the earlier with more recent ones and always had to conclude that the Spirit of God was working in her and enabling her to speed by giant strides along the way of perfection.

In the year 1900 I published in one volume several of her letters to me with others to different persons. I am sure that whoever reads them will agree with what I have said. I should not perhaps have styled myself Gemma’s Director.

Her Confessor and Director from here earliest years was Monsignor John Volpi. I did nothing more than help him in this work. It remains however to be said that her true Director was the Holy Ghost, Who delights in reserving to Himself the immediate guidance of certain chosen souls; Jesus her Divine Spouse was her Director; so was her heavenly Mother, so was her Angel Guardian. What I hold as a certainty is, that from my contact with this Servant of God my poor soul has derived the greatest advantage. I have felt reanimated in my faith, in my desire for Heavenly things, and in my love of virtue. All praise be to Thee, O Jesus, Who in most admirable ways do provide for the welfare of those souls who desire to please Thee alone.