I feel that I have already converted in my own heart, but the church demands that I have water poured on my head and a little piece of paper signed by the priest that says I actually did it.
Actually, this is not correct. It's not the Church that says you have to have water poured on your head. Jesus
is the one who said that.
John 3.5: Jesus answered, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God."
The Church is merely doing what Jesus instructed:
Matt 28.19: "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,"
So by choosing not to be baptized, you're not disobeying the Church, you're disobeying the Savior.
First of all, as I mentioned before, I don't understand why I have to make a big scene about coming into the church. I realize that it is a way to introduce me to the community, but as I am aready an active part of the community, I don't see why I need to have this done.
Think how excited the members of the community will be to have you join them at the Lord's Table! Right now, you're attending Thanksgiving dinner but refusing to eat. Just when the meal is served, you go watch the football game. Once you are baptized, you'll be completely a member of our family and you'll be welcomed to sit at the "grown-up's table" and to share the Body and Blood of our Savior.
If all of these people believe that I am already Catholic, then what is the difference? I feel Catholic, and they have already accepted me!
The difference is the same as living with your boyfriend or marrying him. The relationship you have now with the Church is an empty one. You're there for fun; you've withheld your commitment.
Imagine if your boyfriend told you he loves you and wants to spend his life with you, but you can't have a ring and you can't be seen together in public and you'll never get married. What message would that send to you?
In addition, you are ignoring the teachings of our Savior. He crawled on a cross and died for you, but you're not willing to get your head wet for him. "I asked Jesus how much he loved me and he said 'This much'. Then he stretched out his arms and he died." How much do you love Jesus? Enough to get your head wet?